I imagine the day had to come, given the heartfelt honesty of our guests, when a story shared would leave me not only speechless, but mildly shaken from the emotions that were stirred up from the intimate nature of the words spoken.
It was one of those rare times on our show where the energy seemed to be subdued, with soften spoken questions and smoothly flowing answers that blended together into a tale told of self destruction, sacrifice, and in the end survival and celebration of a life well lived.
I have sat at this keyboard for the last two days, searching for the right words to use, words to convey the feeling of kinship and deep respect that flowed through me on the night of the show. No matter how hard I tried, the sweet sounding phrases would not come and it was then that I had to do the one thing I dread most when writing; lay down my pen and walk away…
Yet it was in that moment of surrendering my need to express these feelings that the true meaning of the show began to take shape, not in my mind where I had first sought the answers to my writers block dilemma but in my heart where the answers had been waiting all along.
Grace he spoke of, a blessed gift of love…
Loss of self he spoke of, a giving up of an identity that he had acquired throughout his first years of living in a detached society that values material wealth more than inner peace…
Connection he spoke of, a quieting of the mind and a willingness to listen to the whispers of our hearts…
Pain he spoke of, and loss… and then we made our way out of the dark and into the light of self realization. So, just as he shared with us his story of handing his life to spirit out of desperation I too must hand my precious pen over to the spirit within and allow that story to be told.
It is not a tale of self sacrifice as one may think, nor is it a warning to others to encourage them to give up all that they are to be all that they think they ought to be. No, it is a call to be more purely themselves, to stand on their inner truth and to follow their passion and their bliss. A call to live a life in line with all the beauty and bounty our world has to offer; a call to give up fear of lack as there is nothing in this world that can be lost.
I think sometimes we fall prey to the idea that we must walk away from all that we knew in order to become all that we wish to become, yet perhaps it may be better said that all that you knew will carry you forward to the next step and blend together with new visions becoming all that you know. It is a process of growth, one of exploration of self but it does not require that you give up on your dreams, all it requires is that you allow that within you that is the ALL to assist you in choosing the path that will most efficiently and effectively take you to exactly where you want to go.
We live in a world where the fear of loss is an ever present barrier to our spiritual development, in a world where the things that bring us comfort also happen to be for the most part things we can touch, taste, smell and see. What happens then when you realize that all those things are also an extension of the source of ALL? What happens when you realize that you too are an extension of the source of ALL? What happens when you realize that none of it is not good, that none of it is not GOD?
Grace, he said, was the gift he was given, a glimpse into what life could be if only he would let go of all that he thought he knew and put his life into the hands of Spirit. “Is it possible that if God is so powerful, if God is so good, so knowledgeable, so understanding and so connected to us that no harm has ever been done…?” — Paxton Robey
Jean Victoria Norloch
PS: If you missed our show with Paxton, click below to listen!